


If You Could See Me Now

by jappfrost



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Epistolary, Family, M/M, Magic Revealed, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 18:16:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4489806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jappfrost/pseuds/jappfrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten years after Uther Pendragon's death, Arthur's 38th birthday.</p><p>Arthur heads over to Uther's tomb and he talks to his father, voicing out his thought and insecurities about everything he has done as the king of Camelot for the past decade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Could See Me Now

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by The Script's song of the same title.
> 
> I tried following most of its lyrics so you'll find most of them in the text. Arthur's thoughts will sometimes be non-sequitur because of this, but it may also be attributed to the fact that he's rather emotional and he just speaks out whatever comes to his mind at that moment.
> 
> Merlin and its characters aren't mine.
> 
> Also, if anyone's interested in taking up any of my prompts: http://archiveofourown.org/works/4398527

It was on the eve of my twenty-eighth birth anniversary when the jesters came and they tried to take you away. We called on an old man to put on a charm to disarm all the harm and I tried to keep myself calm but he failed and the truth is now you’re gone. 

And now I’ll never get to show you the king I could become. Father, you should see the good that I’ve done for Camelot. I can just imagine you there standing next to mom, both smiling along, arm in arm.

There are days, of course, that I’m losing my faith. But there’s this man, he wasn’t just good, he was great. He’d said “Magic was the cause of your pain, but it has also protected you through the years.” He explained, but I was young, I got mad. It took me a while but I understood him, saw him, for what he really is to me.

And I’m sorry father, but I repealed the ban on magic for him. But the council was reluctant and I hated them. And Merlin, he just said, “Take that rage, put it on a page, and take the page to the stage. Tell the people your plans, and damn the council.”

Father, I’m trying to make you proud, and do everything you did. So I hope you’re up there with mom saying, “That’s my son!” Even if I went against your rules on magic, I hope that in death, you too, do realize the good that it can do.

And when I made the decree, I stood in the balcony, seeing everybody’s face in the crowd. Yet I still look for yours. If you could see me now, would you stand in disgrace or would you be proud? If you could see me now, would you recognize me? Would you pat me on the back, or would you criticize me? Would you still love me, just like how Merlin does now?

He’s amazing, father. That day you died, he held vigil at the foot of the staircase, waiting for me. He followed the lines of my tear-stained face. He gave me strength and he has melted my heart that was cold as the day you were taken away.

It’s been a while now father, ten long years, but I can still see you clear as day. Right now, I wish I could hear you say, “I killed too much, and I regretted all that. No person, magic or not, should have suffered that much.”

You used to say I won’t know a sorcerer until it hurt me, like I won’t know real love till I have loved and I have lost it. But father, while I admit to the first, you’re wrong with love. It may have taken losing mother for you to realize how devastating love could be, but to me, I know what love is when I truly got to know Merlin.

You know what, mother, father, I’m just missing you now. And I’ve done quite a lot without you now, but I still can’t help wondering, would you call me a champion or a traitor? Would you still love me, even with the repeal of the ban on magic?

I can’t stop thinking about it. When I see my face in the mirror, I see you. We look so alike and it makes me shiver. And I’d ask myself, would you be proud of the man I have become? Oh if you could see me now.


End file.
